In Bushwick, A Different Kind of Candy Store Gets Busted

June 24, 2016 1 429 News
Share!

Everyone loves candy, especially in the kidult-friendly town of Bushwick. Except, what we really mean by candy is the kind for your body–the kind that makes it twitch and tingle with delight the way your mouth might if you were eating the more conventional sweet treats being sold by Caramelo Candy & Grocery on Gates Avenue.

Heroina

Heroina

The narc responsible for ruining everyone’s easy access to semi-decent heroin, Gloria Morales, a 52-year-old who would often complain of the low-grade quality of Werther’s Originals she frequently went in to purchase, stated, “I knew something was fishy about that place. No one ever seemed to be coming out with any groceries.”

Raiders of the lost candy store

Raiders of the lost candy store

“It’s not fair, you know. It goes without saying that everything in New York City is pretty much a front. No one can make money legally, for fuck’s sake,” lamented Brian Gando, a 33-year-old who enjoyed his weekly heroin purchases from Caramelo after picking up a broad from nearby bar Old Stanley’s and shooting up with her. Why does Caramelo have to suffer their sins, huh? It’s making us all suffer now,” he concluded. Anyway, what’s this town coming to when you can’t even sustain a steady heroin and cocaine supplier?

Written by Genna Rivieccio

One Comment