Because of the perplexing frequency of these recurring glimpses of out-of-fashion, usually 80s footwear, the 83rd Precinct has begun an investigation into possible reasons and/or perpetrators behind this bizarre and alarming trend. The head of the investigative team, Martin Inept, stated to The Burning Bush, “So far, we’ve concluded that the shoes belong to at least eight or more women. We are not at liberty to tell you how we concluded this.”
The Burning Bush also happened upon a woman named Sophia Hernandez (no relation to Maria), who mentioned that she had accidentally lost her shoe after stumbling over a Puerto Rican’s sidewalk grill on the way back from Associated. When she went back to reclaim the shoe, the police were already confiscating it as evidence. And so, it seems, that there is not yet a specific science to unearthing the mystery behind what’s causing so many women’s shoes–sans women–to take to the streets of Bushwick by themselves (not even in pairs!).
Written by Genna Rivieccio