Investigation Commences on Why There are So Many Rando Women’s Shoes on the Streets of Bushwick

October 1, 2014 Comments Off on Investigation Commences on Why There are So Many Rando Women’s Shoes on the Streets of Bushwick 1730 J'Accuse, News
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Is it rape? Is it drunken abandon? No one really knows for sure why there are so many rando women’s shoes littering the streets of Bushwick. Once in a blue moon, you’ll see a man’s tennis shoe, but it hardly compares to the daily sightings of heels in various colors and finishes (including suede and velvet) throughout the neighborhood.
One of Bushwick's many lost heels

One of Bushwick’s many lost heels

Because of the perplexing frequency of these recurring glimpses of out-of-fashion, usually 80s footwear, the 83rd Precinct has begun an investigation into possible reasons and/or perpetrators behind this bizarre and alarming trend. The head of the investigative team, Martin Inept, stated to The Burning Bush, “So far, we’ve concluded that the shoes belong to at least eight or more women. We are not at liberty to tell you how we concluded this.”

Sophia Hernandez lost her shoe after running into a grill and tripping

Sophia Hernandez lost her shoe after running into a grill and tripping

The Burning Bush also happened upon a woman named Sophia Hernandez (no relation to Maria), who mentioned that she had accidentally lost her shoe after stumbling over a Puerto Rican’s sidewalk grill on the way back from Associated. When she went back to reclaim the shoe, the police were already confiscating it as evidence. And so, it seems, that there is not yet a specific science to unearthing the mystery behind what’s causing so many women’s shoes–sans women–to take to the streets of Bushwick by themselves (not even in pairs!).

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

 

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