After the investigative probe into why more Bushwickians don’t weigh 200-plus pounds due to their eating and drinking habits (with little in the way of any discovery made), a new examination has now found suspicion in the fact that Bushwickians are able to afford an excess of tattoos while still keeping their bank accounts nice and sizable.
Heading up the Committee To Emulate Endless Bushwick Monetary Funds for Tattoos is Mallory Seeker, the same woman who headed the Committee to Find Out Bushwick’s Secret to Thinness. “While we understand that most Bushwick residents posing as “starving artists” are actually just getting money from their parents, this simply can’t be the case for everyone. We have to find out what’s behind this,” Seeker explained.
Renna Inker, a 24-year-old with a sleeve of heads of pop stars from the 1980s, told The Burning Bush, “I work, that’s all. It’s not a big deal. Getting enough money for a tattoo is easy.” Meeran Needler, a 33-year-old tattoo artist at Kings County, negated this statement by noting, “I couldn’t tell you how these young people get the money to afford me prices. It would be one thing if I accepted credit cards, but I only take cash.” And so, just like the mystery of Bushwickian thinness in the face of a shit diet, we may never know how they’re able to sustain their tattoo habit.
Written by Genna Rivieccio