June, Still Struggling to Showcase That It’s Now A Gay Bar, Adopts Bushwick Gays Unable to Afford Fire Island for Fourth

July 3, 2017 Comments Off on June, Still Struggling to Showcase That It’s Now A Gay Bar, Adopts Bushwick Gays Unable to Afford Fire Island for Fourth 222 Bars
Share!

June, which shuttered for a spell in early 2017 for being seasonally inappropriate, has since reinvented itself as a “gay bar” (which really just means as gay as a bar can get for Bushwick–see: former Tandem). This tends to entail a lot of dance music and rollerblading videos put on the projector. Still, the more poverty-stricken gays of Bushwick aren’t ones to look a gift horse in the mouth, knowing full well they can’t afford to go to Fire Island like a proper rich (or faux rich) homo for Fourth of July.

Still doesn’t exactly scream “gay”

“At first, I was offended by how unassuming June chose to remain after ‘rebranding.’ Now, I’m grateful. I honestly feel kind of embarrassed for all those Fire Island gays parading their so-called wealth and Equinox bodies,” stated DaFoe Willem, a 25-year-old still struggling to accept how hard it is to get a barista job in the town.

“Too bombastic for poor Bushwick gays”

Bert Feldman, a regular at June even when it was a so-called straight bar, added, “Fire Island is too bombastic for poor Bushwick gays anyway. We all just want our chode beers and our bar food. We don’t need to get fancy to honor America, and how gay the Founding Fathers were.” So if you, too, are a Bushwick gay not marooned on Fire Island, you best head on over to June for your Fourth of July festivities.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

Comments are closed.