L Train Closure Might Get Delayed Past 2019 Thanks to Trump Beatles

February 28, 2017 Comments Off on L Train Closure Might Get Delayed Past 2019 Thanks to Trump Beatles 1530 L Train
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It was the delightful romp no one was expecting on their weekend commute, so often generally filled with nothing but delays and overcrowdedness as NYC denizens attempt to “enjoy themselves” by leaving their apartments (which rarely happens unless, of course, being in the outside world is preferable to being in the inside one with your roommates).

The Trump Beatles are much better than those “real” Beatles

That’s right, rather than the usual banal showtime acts that can so often result in a groin-kicking, Bushwickians commuting on the L train were treated to the Trump Beatles as they sang a far better version of “Hey Jude” called “Fake News.” Dressed in the signature look of Trump–cheap-looking suits and red ties–members of the group regaled the crowd with lyrics that insisted Fox News is the only real news.

With a chorus that echoed the fraught divisiveness of Faye Dunaway in Chinatown screaming, “She’s my sister, she’s my daughter, she’s my sister, she’s my daughter!,” the four blokes chanted, “Real news/fake news/real news/fake news” for a while before segueing into the bottom line: “Fox News is the real news. Everything is fake news.” With passengers so pleased with the parody, MTA is contemplating delaying the shutdown of the L to the end of 2020, when Trump will either be out of office or have caused mass hysteria leading to Earth’s spontaneous combustion, so that Trump Beatles can take full advantage of the timeliness of their band.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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