Have you ever found it impossible to finagle enough closet space in Bushwick? Clothes horses need not fear a lack of space any longer as the MTA has now found a way to charge more for “premium” L train Metro Cards by allowing you to hang your clothes on the poles that no one ever really wants to hold on to because they’re too ashamed to parade their B.O.
The plan for the initiative came from MTA Commissioner Felicia Mongo, who was also responsible for merging the L and A trains together to create the LA train. Though, in the commissioner’s defense, there have been some other harebrained ideas regarding the L train that Mongo wasn’t accountable for. Mongo released an exclusive statement to The Burning Bush about her unusual plan for making extra money (because for some reason the MTA never seems to have enough–it’s those secret lavish Christmas parties they always blow it on). Mongo articulated, “We know that a lot of people don’t have enough closet space in Bushwick and we want to be able to help them find a way to resolve this issue.”
When questioned about the logistics of how people would be able to keep track of what part of the train their clothes are on, Mongo responded, “Well, that’s another part of the fun. You can snag whatever clothes happen to be on the pole of the train car you’re riding that day. It makes for a fun and surprising experience every day of the week!” Mongo seemed to forget that most Bushwickians have a very specific fashion sense, which will undeniably prove this plan to be as disastrous and ineffective as the LA train. Premium L train Metro Cards are going to become available next month for 300 dollars–which is an additional sum you could add to your rent budget if you wanted an apartment that actually has walk-in closets. The Burning Bush also strongly recommends a rolling rack. We know it’s very Jenny Humphrey showing her shit to potential buyers, but it wouldn’t be Bushwick without some sort of Gossip Girl connection.
Written by Genna Rivieccio