Much conjecture has been swirling over the intentions of a number of Mister Softee trucks that have been engaging in some dubious late night hours–giving rise to the question: Are they really selling ice cream? And to who? As you may already be aware, the rising amount of children in Bushwick has left them in the driver’s seat in terms of control over their parents’ unruly behavior. That being said, it seems that parents thought they had found a loophole to getting access to drugs via Mister Softee, until someone’s kid caught them red-handed.
It all happened two nights ago when little Mandolin Spoyled, a 5-year old boy with long brown hair that’s never been trimmed, followed his mother, Holly Brash, who never took the last name of her Bushwick husband, to the corner of Willoughby and Evergreen Avenue. Spoyled, who can already speak three languages thanks to attending the Lycée Français de New York, was perceptive enough to know what was really going on when he saw the Mister Softee man, who looked suspiciously like Dirty Whores lead singer Tommy Noneck, slip her an ice cream cone with no ice cream in it–just an airtight little bag of coke.
Dismayed by his mother’s behavior, Spoyled enlisted the help of some other neighborhood kids to follow their parents to various Mister Softee drug points throughout Bushwick. When other parents were busted by their kids, they made a bargain with their progeny: Don’t turn us in and we’ll give you an unlimited bar tab every time we go out. This deal seemed to work as The Burning Bush has been unable to crack anyone else other than Tommy Noneck for information–though all he could tell us for sure is that he’s moving his outfit to the Lower East Side where there’s less “rat-nosed kids to fuck up [his] business.”
Written by Genna Rivieccio