In the past, it’s always been the lefties who have been discriminated against. They who were persecuted as communists in the 1950s thanks to McCarthyism. But now, it’s the lefty’s turn to discriminate in the comfort of his own bar.
“It has been my decision for some time now to wean out the righties who seem to feel so entitled to my bar,” announced Left Hand Path owner, Marc Droite, a 29-year-old from Philadelphia who has long been sick of this “mindless catering to right-handed people.” His ire for the righties continued as he seethed, “I mean really, isn’t about time we got a lefty a bar in this town?”
The discrimination was subtle at first, like how Droite welded beer mugs with the handle left-facing onto the bar or how he offered credit card payment options to left-handed people but cash only payment options to righties. Now, the prejudice has gone full-stop via a giant sign placed outside the bar that reads, “No Righties Allowed–Or Risk Having It Cut Off.” Jesus, Droite, it’s not like righties are Aladdin stealing a loaf of bread.
Written by Genna Rivieccio