Local Business, Scissor Service, Grossly Misinterpreted by Lesbian Community in Bushwick

March 10, 2015 Comments Off on Local Business, Scissor Service, Grossly Misinterpreted by Lesbian Community in Bushwick 929 Local Business, News
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For most straight women, naming a haircutting business Scissor Service seems innocent enough. “You know, I just assumed it was a reference to shears for your hair, like most non-pervy women. Not that lesbians are pervs, but they kind of are. I mean, have you seen Blue is the Warmest Color?” said straight woman Patricia Highorse.

The flier that confused a thousand lesbians

The flier that confused a thousand lesbians

Conversely, lesbians in the Bushwick community were highly disappointed to learn that, upon calling the number on the Scissor Service flier–proudly displayed at Express Yourself–a receptionist asked if they were interested in a cut and color as opposed to an eat-out and fingering session. “What kind of fuckin’ business calls itself Scissor Service and offers no sexual services tailored to lesbians? It seems pretty fuckin’ cruel if you ask me,” seethed Cobra Club regular Dotty Vee.

Scissors, rife with sexual connotations

Scissors, rife with sexual connotations

In response to the outrage, the “head” stylist at Scissor Service issued a statement on behalf of the manager apologizing, “We are truly sorry if anyone was confused about what our business actually is. We never meant to disappoint anyone. To make up for it, we’ll be offering free at-home haircuts to anyone who called us expecting to be, um, scissored.” Needless to say, there’s been a line of lesbians¬†getting a buzz cut in the comfort of their own home ever since.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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