Even inanimate objects are starting to model their behavior after the world’s latest führer, as the local dump (no, not referring to the bad side of the McKibbin) has managed to not only stank up the area semi-permanently but also violate numerous laws and liberties with its practices.
Operated by the privately owned One-Half Star Carting Company, a spokesperson for the facility located on Thames has specifically stated how it admires the business practices of Trump. Yola Nocuidado, a 34-year-old former employee at Boar’s Head (also notoriously shady), admitted, “Listen, we’re doin’ what we can. The neighbors can bitch and moan all they want about how we’re fuckin’ up their kids or their pets or whatever. But there’s no real landfill in this area, we gotta make it any way we can.”
And the way they’ve decided to “make it” is by randomly depositing trash in secret pockets (usually near the English Kills) of the neighborhood so that residents can never exactly trace where the odor is coming from. But find it they will, thanks to one natural born leader named Martine Odell, a 45-year-old who has formed a neighborhood watch, of sorts, for trash monitoring. Odell insists, “We’re not gonna let these assholes get away with any Trump-like behavior.” Then again, many also insisted that Hillary would win.
Written by Genna Rivieccio