Local Man Suffers From Onion Breath for Two Weeks After Eating Pizza At Lil’ Brklyn

September 4, 2014 Comments Off on Local Man Suffers From Onion Breath for Two Weeks After Eating Pizza At Lil’ Brklyn 575 News, Pizza
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In an unfortunate turn of events, local man Antonio Boordane braved the Bushwick Avenue eatery known as Lil’ Brklyn Pizza to see what the fare was like. Perhaps seeing pizza with rose-colored glasses–believing genuinely that such perfection and simplicity could never be tainted–Boordane dared enter a place that had previously only had one other customer up until that point. The consequence? Onion breath for two weeks thereafter. The Burning Bush had the unpleasant experience of communicating with him about a week after the incident.

Attempts to dissect the contents of the pizza proved very much like trying to take in a Monet up close

Attempts to dissect the contents of the pizza proved very much like trying to take in a Monet up close

Boordane, who we asked write out his answers instead of releasing his onion breath in our direction, stated, “It’s almost exactly like experiencing the vomit-inducing effects of Chet from Weird Science‘s description when he says, ‘How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?’ It kind of feels like that’s what I’ve consumed. But at least pork isn’t as pungent as an onion and garlic one-two punch.”

Scene of the consumption

Scene of the consumption

When The Burning Bush attempted to contact management of Lil’ Brklyn for their take on why Boordane has suffered such a severe bout of halitosis, we were offered unlimited free pizzas to keep our mouths shut–which is exactly what we would have been doing long afterward if we had actually consumed the hush cuisine. While Lil’ Brklyn has an honest integrity that, say, Norbert’s or Mama Roberta’s doesn’t, maybe they should consider tweaking their “homemade” recipes a bit before subjecting another potential customer to the fate of Antonio Boordane.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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