As any true Bushwick veteran of alcoholism and anything goes performance art already knows, Goodbye Blue Monday had to be shut down due to too many people fucking in the bathroom on the regular. What many do not know, however, is that the joint was looted a few nights ago for a massive “liquidation sale” that is to take place on the Bushwick black market.
While The Burning Bush could not discern how many looters were involved or how they managed to get past the stringent security of a sleeping dog outside the building, we do know their motive behind it, as we were able to communicate with one ringleader of the operation, alias Barra Theef (age undisclosed), who stated, “We knew Goodbye Blue Monday was full of useless shit that was just going to end up in the garbage, so we figured, you know, somebody should make a profit off of the junk.”
The looters’ strategy for selling? Billing each item as a “piece of Bushwick dive bar history.” Theef went on to say, “With the eradication of most of the bars that gave Bushwick any form of street cred, it’s important for seasoned drinkers of the neighborhood to remember the way it used to be. That’s where are our stolen goods come in.” If you wish to buy any of these commemorative tchotchkes, The Burning Bush can serve as your connect when you email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t wait–supplies are limited, and we all know you want a plaster bust of Abraham Lincoln to remind you of Old Bushwick.
Written by Genna Rivieccio