The MTA surprises us again with the news that the M train will at last be running into Manhattan on weekends. Although some Bushwick residents are looking at this as a sign of continued gentrification/catering to white people’s needs, The Burning Bush got to the bottom of the real reason behind the new M train schedule.
Our source at the MTA, who also leaked news about the L and A trains merging, stated, “The real motive for the M train’s new weekend schedule is to ferry the surfeit of assholes in the neighborhood back to Manhattan.” The once great borough is now utterly desolate on the weekends thanks to Brooklyn’s inexplicable cool cachet. Thus, the MTA felt compelled to take matters into its own hands.
Another MTA worker, Dissociata Nonpresente, stated, “The more white people we can get into the city on weekends, the more money the MTA gets in Metro Card fares.” So it’s really a combination of giving the natives back their neighborhood on weekends and funneling more funds into a faulty transportation system.
Written by Genna Rivieccio