A terrible coup against the party gods occurred this weekend after local man Zed Pointmaker, a 29-year-old who didn’t want to seem over eager to younger Bushwick ilk by showing up to a party too early, ended up waiting too long to leave his apartment and missed the entire event he was trying so desperately to arrive at fashionably late.
The party in question, thrown by 22-year-old Erynne Uhtenshunhoor, was located on the rooftop of the Moore Street lofts, often referred to by those in the know as “the other McKibbin.” Uhtenshunhoor, who had only earlier that day encountered Pointmaker while shopping for decor at Shwick Market, explained that the reason for the party was “because it was my unbirthday.”
Pointmaker, allured by Uhtenshunhoor’s wares and buxom bod, accidentally on purpose bumped into her so that he could help her pick up her shit and strike up a conversation. “It was then that she casually invited me to her party. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I had to impress her by being the most fashionably late guy there if I wanted to keep her interest. But no, the plan backfired. I got too stoned, lost track of time and started writing a discourse on quantum theory as related to Bruce Jenner’s body. When I looked at the clock again, it was 5 a.m. I was too late.” To avoid Pointmaker’s horrendous mistake, The Burning Bush recommends leaving for a party no later than one hour after its official start time. Anything later is just bad manners.
Written by Genna Rivieccio