Roberta’s, frequently heralded as one of Brooklyn’s most end all, be all of pizza selections (though not as end all, be all as Paulie Gee’s), has outdone itself again with regard to the allure it holds for people from across the country–and now, for people from across the spans of time.
Due to the fact that eighteenth century courtiers had a shit ton of time on their hands, it’s no surprise that Percival Pepperoni was able to use his wellspring of leisure to develop a time machine (with a baroque aesthetic–think a Bedazzled look). After a year and a half of fine-tuning the machine’s abilities, Pepperoni input the year (2014) and destination (best cheese based foods) he wanted to travel to, and subsequently found himself outside of Roberta’s.
No one was fazed by Pepperoni’s strange garb as “the costume look” is pretty much just par for the course in Bushwick. Thus, he was allowed entry into the restaurant with no issue, where he promptly ordered everything on the menu, assuming he could pay in French livre. At the end of his meal, he threw some “money” on the table and tried to walk out, but was apprehended by the hostess, Geneva Malcontent, who contemplated calling the police on him, but changed her mind when Pepperoni promised to take her back with him to the eighteenth century and make her a courtier by offering his hand in marriage. Since Malcontent had yet to achieve the unemployment dream, she decided she might as well take him up on his offer. Before leaving, she stole five thousand dollars worth of ingredients so that Pepperoni could share his “discovery” with the rest of his chums.
Written by Genna Rivieccio