While there may already be a McDonald’s location in the ether known as Grand Street, the most loved/hated fast food chain is now firmly a part of the Bushwick infrastructure as it makes its way down the L train line to the Montrose stop.
The owner of the franchise, Jermaine Badonkadonk, told The Burning Bush, “I knew I needed to open up a location when I heard it was available. I done wanted to be a millionaire my whole life and I’ma do it.” Badonkadonk is well aware of the market he’ll need to appeal to if he wants to make that million. That’s why he’s created a “special” menu, to include the Millennial Burger (which just means you can order whatever you want on it), the Organic Burger (featuring bits of discarded vegetables from trash molded into a burger-like mound) and Kale Flavored Fries (the kale “flavor” is actually just green food-coloring).
And, because it’s Bushwick, Badonkadonk knows he can charge higher prices for drunk white kids willing to pay any price to get grease in their body. “I be thinkin’ like twelve dollars for the Millennial and Organic Burgers.” He’s also working out an arrangement with a Genessee distributor to serve the beer on tap. Moreover, the new location will be ousting both Note Thai and Zukkie’s Bike Shop by knocking down the wall between them to create the moderately sized Mickey D’s. The grand opening is July 15th, with an expected appearance from Ronald McDonald wearing Oliver Peoples glasses and slightly less bombastic shoes in order to better fit in with the new demographic.
Written by Genna Rivieccio