Miles Decides to Move to Where It Belongs: the Upper East Side

June 12, 2017 Comments Off on Miles Decides to Move to Where It Belongs: the Upper East Side 209 Bars
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With Miles’ unexpected announcement that it would close on June 5th, many were left wondering: why? Though the bar claimed there was no scandal at play, The Burning Bush’s inside sources have speculated that the establishment has long been planning a strategic move to the Upper East Side.

The announcement

As the two to three devoted readers of our publication will recall, Miles was named the bougiest bar not on the Upper East Side by Bouge Watcher Magazine back in 2015, which is probably about the time the owners, Tilly Fairhaven and Martin Blacksheen, decided to angle their way up to the part of the island that Woody Allen once glamorized before he became so visibly sleazy.

You shan’t be getting a taste of Miles this summer

“To be honest, we knew we could probably charge a lot more and also have to deal with far less unseemly people. I swear to Christ if I had to overhear one more bad first Tinder date conversation I was going to throw myself into the English Kills, even if that would have meant encountering Rando’s Island,” explained Fairhaven. “I just think that the Upper East Side will all in all be a better fit for the demographic we’re trying to seek out.” So there you have it. Now if only Foster Sundry would take a similar cue.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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