“Millennial” is Official New Word for “Hipster”

May 20, 2014 16 2836 Local Business, Vernacular
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The irritation people experience over hearing the word “hipster,” and especially being referred to as such, has finally reached its crescendo. Late last evening Mayor de Blasio issued a statement in response to a recent uproar in Bushwick over being consistently degraded with the epithet. After a scuffle at local watering hole King’s County, attention was brought to the issue of this unflattering word.

Millennials respond to change by taking selfie

Millennials respond to change by taking selfie

After a disgruntled black man (whose name was not released to the public) began drunkenly ranting about gentrification and the need for a “hipster cleanse,” the accused hipster, Zach Bland, fought back by smashing a can of Rolling Rock against his tormentor’s head. This quickly led to an all-out bar brawl that had to be broken up by local police. The fracas made NY1 news, which de Blasio watches religiously.

The site of the skirmish

The site of the skirmish

Disturbed by the potential for continued conflict, de Blasio stated the following: “The word ‘hipster’ is lazy and outdated. Just because you’re young and white and possibly wearing glasses does not make you one. I’m urging everyone in Brooklyn and other boroughs to address hipsters as they should be called: Millennials.”

de Blasio addresses this hard-hitting issue

de Blasio addresses this hard-hitting issue

The response to de Blasio’s decree was overwhelmingly mixed, with outfits like VICE and The New York Times left speechless in the absence of a word to chastise this sect with. Whether or not this new term will catch on remains to be seen. De Blasio, however, later stated that he was open to other alternatives to the replacement term–though he does feel strongly about the multi-racial applicability of “millennial.” Feel free to submit your own ideas to The Burning Bush and we’ll happily bend de Blasio’s ear about it.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

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