After the notoriously “jaw-dropping” blow job that was given at Swallow Cafe just days ago, the establishment is making our headlines again with it’s equally notorious flight of stairs. Any Swallow regular knows that descending these steps involves taking your life into your own hands. Between the steepness of the stairs and the surprise top step that everyone always seems to forget about, it’s no wonder more people have been recorded falling down than ever before.
The latest victim to take a nasty spill was Jericho Bananapeel, a 33-year-old marketing analyst with one of the last twentieth century jobs in twenty-first century Bushwick. Bananapeel, a daily Swallower, had just put the finishing touches on his usual order of a 12-ounce coffee by adding a half cup of creamer and three tablespoons of sugar, full of as much hope as he could be for the workday, when–BLAMMO! he stepped outside, forgot about the top step and took the tumble of a lifetime. The Burning Bush cautions you to remain alert as you walk down this perilous flight of stairs during the rainy season in Bushwick. Because only fetishists fuck cripples.
Written by Genna Rivieccio