Most Fathers of Bushwick Rich Kids Make Their Spawn Meet Them For Brunch in Williamsburg

June 18, 2017 0 64 News

As Bushwick is something of a wasteland when it comes to finding anything to eat at all, let alone brunch (don’t even try to find any sustenance the day after Halloween), it should come as no source of jaw-droppery that the fathers bank rolling the rich kids of Bushwick‘s lives should demand to be seen and celebrated in Williamsburg for Father’s Day instead.

A Bushwick son being forced to put on his best impression of a Williamsburgian

“I just wanted to take him to Roberta’s or Forrest Point, somewhere tamely white like that. He’s really the only two between my parents who I can celebrate made-up holidays like this with. I would never take my mother anywhere after that one incident in 2014,” commented Brandon Moneypenny, a 32-year-old who bartends on the Upper East Side in between switching areas of study in grad school.

Fathers of a moneybags nature can’t fuck with Bushwick

Brandon’s father and those like him simply can’t be subjected to the unpleasant and dingy environs of a milieu like Bushwick, which, like a loft in the McKibbin, can never be made to look clean no matter what you do to it. Hence, if you pass through Williamsburg today, you’re likely to see some familiar faces from Bushwick, as sons and daughters pay their debt back to daddy by spending some requisite time with him in a neighborhood that doesn’t make him want to break out into hives.

Written by Genna Rivieccio


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