MTA Cracks Down On Letting People Commit Spiteful Suicide on L Train Tracks

October 26, 2017 0 144 L Train, MTA
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In spite of the fact that MTA hasn’t delivered on its infinite number of promises that can never truly be actualized as a result of constantly demanding more dough from the city (where’d it go? Up their tunnel passage, one supposes), it doesn’t mean they’re not going to persist in mismanaging the budget with frivolous implementations like floor-to-ceiling barriers along the L train.

The barriers the MTA wants to prevent spiteful L train suicides

The motive behind the MTA’s new project? Putting the kibosh on spitefully motivated suicides that tend only to occur along this particular route. Heading up the project is Roger Danger, a 38-year-old former manager of a hardware store, who landed the job thanks to his former role as the head of the Committee to Unearth Why So Many People Kill Themselves Off the L Train Line (Even Though It’s Usually Where All the Rich People Live Now).

The L train tracks are about to be impossible to kill oneself on

Of the plan, Danger stated, “We want to model it after the AirTrain at JFK. Even though everyone wants to kill themselves when they’re on the way to the airport, you don’t see it happening there do you? No. And that’s because of the tailored partition system.” With construction on the endeavor set to begin at 3rd Avenue on November 15th, those hoping to make their suicides count on an inconvenience to others level best get to work.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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