You may have been oblivious to the boarded up area on Bogart Street because it’s been concealed for so long. But now that the boards have come down, the grotesquely homogenous building behind it is glaringly obvious to any passerby. While the developers of the building, two brother architects named Henry and Horatio Fountainhead, have kept their plans for the property under wraps, The Burning Bush was finally able to cajole Horatio into talking after a few rounds at Kings County during its final days.
He slurred, “It’s prolly, I mean, it’s definitely gonna be a rest home…and, um, we think it’s gonna be great for all the parents in the neighborhood who aren’t being taken care of by their kids.” Horatio also expressed that he wanted to get Taqueria El Fogon II in on serving the rest home residents their daily meals, considering its right next door, and that they could definitely used an image boost after certain scandalous events. The Fountainhead brothers foresee Bushwick as a great place for youngs and olds alike to retire, though they are charging according to age bracket, giving a discount to more aged types in their 40s because they know there’s a higher turnaround in terms of their propensity for death. Ol Kuntz Rest Home will open in November 2014, just in time for the holidays. Their motto? “Retire gracefully in Bushwick.”
Written by Genna Rivieccio