We all know that, for the most part, you’re probably only wearing your glasses as a style statement and that, at best, it has a very low prescription so that you don’t feel like a complete fraud for donning them. To lend further authenticity to the “LooQ,” allowing a disgusting film to form around the lenses from not cleaning them is the method of style most Bushwickians employ.
Enter Blindsiders on the corner of Himrod Street and Irving Avenue. Seeing an untapped market for lens cleanliness, store owner and opthalmology school dropout Warren Glaucoma, a 33-year-old from Long Island, decided to set his sights on Bushwick. “I was having drinks with Dorian Gray over at Lefthand Path one night, and all I could notice was how dirty everyone’s glasses were. It was like, I couldn’t make legitimate eye contact with any of them.”
Glaucoma continued, “It was then I realized that there was a reason I didn’t make it through opthalmology school. I had a higher purpose. And it’s to make the hipster aesthetic look pristine.” Glaucoma’s painstaking cleaning process can take up to two hours depending on whether or not you purchase the Dirty Hipster Intensive Cleaning Package or the Express Ojo Cleanup. For the cost- and look-conscious, packages are available for $1000 a month if you want daily cleanings so you don’t seem like the schlub you are at your barista or bartending job.
Written by Genna Rivieccio