As you may have heard through the sexual grapevine, Bushwick is now home to a new building especially for polyamorous folk in search of a place to live judgement-free (as if such a thing exists). Rather than the usual outrage you might have expected in archaic times like the 90s, there was a generally accepting silence throughout the community. As monogamists become more and more ostracized from mainstream society, it seems appropriate that Mia Alone, the leader of Monogamy Autonomy, an anti-polyamory organization, has decided to take up residence in the building right next door to Hacienda Villa.
Alone commented, “Polyamory should not be allowed to thrive simply because we live in a ‘bohemian’ area. I’m here to remind people what true love is really all about.” When The Burning Bush questioned what the apartment complex, slated to be called Amour Toujours, would enforce, Alone replied, “We’ll be delivering a highly intensive screening process to ensure that all of the couples who live in our building–gay or straight–have been in an exclusive relationship for a minimum of two years.”
Concerned citizens have already expressed disdain over the implications of a monogamy building in their neighborhood. Sandra Slutman, a resident of Hacienda Villa, stated, “I don’t think it’s right. These people have a pre-historic view of sex that brings down the entire vibe of Bushwick.” Leasing options for Amour Toujours will be available in early fall, just in time for the winter coupling epidemic that takes place when the weather cools down and everyone wants to stay inside with someone and watch marathons of various Netflix series.
Written by Genna Rivieccio