New Narcissism Requirement for Living in Bushwick

April 22, 2014 7 1496 Gentrification, Hipster Commentary, Politics
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If you’ve lived in Bushwick long enough, you’re likely raging: A raging alcoholic, a raging non-workaholic and a raging narcissist. Local government has taken note of this phenomenon and is seeking to use it to its advantage.

Narcissus, patron saint of Bushwick

Narcissus, patron saint of Bushwick

Under a new proposed law, Bushwick would set specific requirements for how narcissistic you actually have to be in order to live within area lines. Of course, enforcing this for people who just rent rooms will prove more challenging. That’s why part of the new law would seek to affect renters. A clause in every new lease will be implemented in order to determine that each¬†tenant ensures total narcissism in their home.

Bushwickians use their mirrors for coke and gazing at themselves.

Bushwickians use their mirrors for coke and gazing at themselves.

Benzo Madeira, a renter at Castle Braid, stated, “This is unbelievable. I’m not a narcissist. Nor do I plan to house any.” Madeira, who has taken it upon himself to start the Anti-Narcissist Renters petition, is holding a community meeting at Castle Braid to discuss the potential consequences of so openly encouraging narcissism in a neighborhood that already loves it a little too much.

Castle Braid is one of the first buildings to put up a fight against the proposed law

Castle Braid is one of the first buildings to put up a fight against the proposed law

No official word on how exactly local government will determine levels of narcissism. But we’re guessing a lot of self-published, self-produced work is going to be involved.

Written by Genna Rivieccio, self-involved self-publisher

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