If Bushwick is lacking anything, it’s Thai food. And yet, instead, another ramen joint is barreling through town to compete with Shinobi Ramen across the street from Pine Box and King Noodle, ebola outbreak epicenter. The dubious name of the newest addition to Bushwick’s noodle scene is Raw Men, leading one to question, what are their noodles really going to be made out of?
The manager of the establishment (the owner could not be reached), Xian Liu Manbad, a 29-year-old who moved to Bushwick from Tokyo after being exiled for cutting off a visiting diplomat’s queue because he was “affronted by the antiquated style,” gave some minor insight into why the owner decided to name his restaurant Raw Men.
“Obviously it’s a play on the word ‘ramen.’ You’d have to missing a chunk of your brain not to see that, though I know missing brain chunks are to Bushwick what missing dicks are to Williamsburg. Nonetheless, that’s the first side of it. The other is an exhortation to our clientele. If you eat here, you are raw, powerful–invincible.” When The Burning Bush asked if these adjectives only applied to the male patrons of the restaurant, he stated, “Of course. You think those words apply to women?” Needless to say, We the Femmes is already boycotting. We’re also pretty bad at Japanese, but we think we overheard Xian bandy the phrase, “Add more penis tips to the pot,” to the head chef, no doubt the ultimate secret ingredient to why their specialty, the “Wang Ramen,” tastes so delicious.
Written by Genna Rivieccio