While many Bushwickians believe its cachet for outsiders stems from its general aura of chicness and “artsiness,” the reality of the matter is: they’re all just coming here to replenish their drug supply. In a recent study of what draws in so-called “tourists” to Bushwick, the Committee for the Better Understanding of What Makes People Suck Bushwick’s Cock So Hard found that more than any other motive–Roberta’s, Forrest Point, various clothing stores, Bushwick Open Studios and any other food-related establishment–people who don’t live in the neighborhood come here to buy drugs, specifically weed or cocaine.
The Burning Bush spoke briefly with one of the foremost drug dealers in the area, Grim Deelitez, who confirmed that the majority of his clientele is either from Quooklyn or Lower Manhattan. “It’s rill rare that I’ll ever have someone who lives in Bushwick buy shit from me. Which is weird ’cause my shit is potent. But then, I guess that’s why people be willin’ to travel for it.”
Many Bushwickians were somewhat disheartened to learn of this news, as they were whole-heartedly convinced that it was their radiation of amazingness that was inciting Anna Wintour and others to declare Bushwick the pinnacle of coolness in terms of Brooklyn neighborhoods. But alas, as with everything that’s popular, drugs or pussy is usually involved. Or free food. Maybe that’s what could be the next big draw when the drug supply runs out. We’ll leave that to Stacked to sort out.
Written by Genna Rivieccio