Owl Juice Pub Finally Poisons All of Its Clientele, Closes

January 12, 2018 0 117 Uncategorized
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Long ago, The Burning Bush had reported on traces of amphetamines and other questionable contents in the smoothies and juices of Owl Juice Pub, and now, it finally looks like the rest of the neighborhood is finally catching up to our “avant-garde” intel presaging inevitable closure. That’s right, one of the more long-standing “restaurants” in Bushwick is no more.

Another one bites the dust

Though management wouldn’t comment on whether or not it had to do with yet another recent customer’s admission to Woodhull after taking her life into her hands by trying to cure her hangover with one of their concoctions, The Burning Bush suspects that didn’t exactly help.

More than just fruit in these drinks

What’s more, the presence of a more expensive–therefore legitimate–juice option in the form of Pitanga on Starr Street has siphoned off any remaining clientele not already slowly poisoned by the contents of these dubious beverages. While there’s no word on what might open in Owl Juice Pub’s place, it’s likely that the demand for health-conscious businesses is still not high enough in this town for another similar replacement to crop up–especially since, by the time the space gets leased, Sober January will be long over.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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