If you haven’t heard about the app that rates people, aptly called Peeple, it’s the entity being billed as “like Yelp, but for people.” That is to say, you can rate anyone who joins the app (with no opt-out once you decide to do so) based on their personality, looks, professional comportment and dateability.
Naturally, the inventor of the app, Thomas Insizane, a 45-year-old billionaire with many expensive hobbies–including app-making–thought Bushwick would be the best neighborhood to do a test run of the beta version before releasing it to the masses. “It just seems like the place where people would want to rate each other–and honestly, too,” Insizane commented.
“Of course I wanted to try that shit out,” stated Bentley Revenger, a 28-year-old with many ex-girlfriends in the Bushwick area. “It gives you a chance to finally tell everyone else just how horrible a lay someone is or about any weird markings they have on their body.” With motives like these driving the use of Peeple, it’s no wonder everyone in Bushwick received zero stars. “I don’t think it’s the app’s fault, so much as the low-level quality of people in this nexus,” concluded Insizane, who will next test out the beta version in Sioux Falls, where “people are kinder, less driven by hate and vanity.”
Written by Genna Rivieccio