Penn Badgley Dates Jemima Kirke’s Sister to Get Back at Zosia Mamet for Stealing His Role in the Gossip Girl Movie

July 15, 2014 4 3958 News

As usual, the internet is all abuzz over the latest celebrity couple revelation. This time it’s Bushwick’s favorite crazy coot, Penn Badgley, dating Girls star Jemima Kirke’s sister, Domino (maybe her mother was inspired by the famous bounty hunter of the same name?). The shock alone of this news was compounded by discovering the real reason why Badgley has decided to stab Mamet in the back, like someone in a goddamn David Mamet play. 

The happy, backstabbing couple

The happy, backstabbing couple

A salvia-addled source stopped tripping long enough to slur to The Burning Bush, “Penn’s like over that whore after he told her about his Gossip Girl movie audition and then she went and called her agent so she could try out for the part of Dan Humphrey.” Any regular reader of The Burning Bush knows that a gender-bending Lonely Boy would be just about the chicest thing casting director Harry Nodick could do. 

Mamet's smug look after getting a second audition for Dan Humphrey

Mamet’s smug look after getting a second audition for Dan Humphrey

With new competition for a role he though he had cinched, Badgley decided the best way to retaliate would be by dating someone close to Mamet. Since Lena Dunham’s a monogamous slut, Allison Williams doesn’t have a hole in her vagina and Jemima Kirke just wasn’t feelin’ it, he opted for the last best thing. No report yet on Mamet’s reaction to Badgley’s current romance, but we’re sure it’s going to be great emotional inspiration for her second audition as Dan Humphrey.  

Written by Genna Rivieccio