Just like the humans of Bushwick, pigeons inhabiting the area have been a bit more…frisky as we get deeper and deeper (no pun intended) into the dog days of summer. Their horniness has led to more frequent sightings of copulations in windows, trees and just about everywhere in between. This, of course, has led to a higher pigeon population and a higher concentration of bird shit throughout the neighborhood.
Though Bushwick Animal Control has tried their best to solve this problem “humanely,” the director of the agency, Marlon Malevolent, stated to The Burning Bush, “We will be taking every means necessary to curb the alarming rate of pigeon population growth–including putting spikes up along every window and rooftop to stab them when they try to land there.” The increased amounts of shit have also caused a few outbreaks of sickness from the contamination. The Burning Bush thinks this summer is going to be the closest Bushwick ever gets to the infamous grossness of the cholera outbreaks in Naples.
Written by Genna Rivieccio