Pressure to Have Fun/Get Crunk on Labor Day Results in Death

September 7, 2015 1 392 News
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The unspoken pressure every Bushwickian feels to get as unconscious as possible (a.k.a. have a good time) on Labor Day is tantamount to the pressure most people feel to be with their families on Thanksgiving. “Must drink…more,” come the pained cries of partygoers and BBQ-attenders.

Shannon Reveler couldn't stop until the good times killed her

Shannon Reveler couldn’t stop until the good times killed her

At festivities throughout the neighborhood, the collective tension to “feel good” and celebrate having a day off (even though every day is a day off for most unemployed Bushwickians) caused each person to have the insatiable urge to one-up the other–just so he could prove that he was having the most fun.

Death is the repayment for having fun

Death is the repayment for having fun

The consequences for most? Sudden death. At one party on Wilson Avenue, a mass collapse was reported by a Dominican neighbor who “could drink those assholes under the table, no matter what holiday.” Elsewhere, mass party deaths were reported on Jefferson Street, Himrod Street and, of course, Morgan Avenue. Luckily, one Bushwick socialite, Dora Dependent, was willing to lend her defibrillator out in time to save a few people. “It’s like I always say, only the rich survive,” commented Dependent.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

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