With outfits like Famous in Bushwick, The Witches of Bushwick and other legitimately famous people who live in the neighborhood, a recently proposed law by the Bushwick Committee for the Betterment of the Community (which also had a hand in implementing that narcissism requirement) would seek to eliminate any residents living between Montrose and Dekalb who do not have at least a stub on Wikipedia, though full page biographies are preferred.
The champion of the new Bushwick-specific law is Shayla Famemonger, a 24-year-old who quickly rose to prominence on the committee thanks to a sizable “charitable donation” to the organization from her father, an investment banker living in Tokyo. Said donation set up the committee with a loft apartment in the Tea Factory Lofts, where they can often be heard “convening” over important neighborhood issues.
Famemonger told The Burning Bush, “We just want Bushwick to be a super high quality place to live with absolutely no non-famous riffraff. Even I’m going to have to parlay my karaoke talents into something more substantial if I want to stay here and make this world–I mean Bushwick–a better place.” Reactions to the possible implementation of this law have been relatively calm, as most Bushwickians already see themselves as Wikipedia-worthy subjects.
Written by Genna Rivieccio