Random Poll Finds Most Bushwickians Have No Idea How to Navigate NYC Outside of Bushwick

June 22, 2015 3 674 News

When you move to New York for the first time (or even if you’ve been here mentally for years), you tend to listen to Anna Wintour’s faulty advice and head for Bushwick. You then become immediately sucked into “the scene” to the point of no return, preventing you from truly acquainting yourself with the rest of the city.

Bushwickians ain't so familiar with the Manhattan map scene

Bushwickians ain’t so familiar with the Manhattan map scene

Thus, is it any great wonder that a recent poll of a random pool of Bushwickians conducted by the Center for Directional Awareness found that most of them have no idea how to navigate outer Bushwick? “I tried to leave once, but I got lost somewhere outside the Grand Street stop. It scared me so much that I turned right back around and went on a bender in the Bushwick Hotel,” recalled Jamie Cortes, a 26-year-old who majored in cartography somewhere in Monterey.

Like Kevin from Home Alone 2, Bushwickains have an unnatural fear of Manhattan

Like Kevin from Home Alone 2, Bushwickains have an unnatural fear of Manhattan

“The irrational fear of getting lost outside of Bushwick is very real to these people,” noted local psychologist Tamara Damagepreyer, a 34-year-old who received her degree from Full Sail University. “They are also terrified of losing their place in the social stratum if they leave for even a minute,” she added. This is at least how Bushwick socialites feel. But if you dare take the risk of departing from Bushwick for a night, you stand to gain a magical world outside, including famed bookstores, drag shows and clubs (the latter two go hand in hand with the first). If not, you are doomed to suffer the Sisyphusian tragedy of experiencing the same bar every night, blacking out and waking up to do it all again.

Written by Genna Rivieccio