For anyone whose slumber or appetite was ever ruined by the rustling or demonic noises of a rat, your ship is finally about to come in. Rats of a certain size and weight inhabiting Bushwick apartments will now be required to contribute their fair share to the rent.
No longer will you be the one to have to spend extra money on cheese, traps or rodent spray in order to get rid of these freeloaders. Now, rats who spend at least half the time straight chillin’ in your kitchen will finally have to pay the piper–and not even the gentlest of pleading looks from their beady little eyes is going to change it.
Bushwick, widely regarded as the area of Brooklyn with the highest concentration of rats, has at last reached the point where enough is enough. Tinga Gruyere, a resident living in a hovel off Halsey, cried as she told The Burning Bush, “This is going to make it so much easier for me to be able to make rent every month. I shouldn’t be totally responsible for providing shelter to Rick [the name she’s given her deadbeat rat roommate].” I think we’re all going to breathe a sigh of relief at that extra drinking money we have from these rodent lodgers finally coughing up their portion.
Written by Genna Rivieccio, currently sharing a space with an asshole rat