Rebecca’s Reliance on Norbert’s Persists in Free Pizza Lure

April 7, 2017 0 135 Bars
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Rebecca’s has been fraught with complications ever since it’s attempted to “fully” open to the public. While no one can be completely sure just what, exactly, is causing all the controversy behind having its doors remain open, Rebecca’s is giving it another college try tonight.

Pizza: the classic lure

And with this college try, their usual reliance on Norbert’s as a result of the bar being yet another offshoot of the pizza establishment’s empire has reached a new peak. Facing the insecurity of being just another rando bar in the abyss near Silent Barn, management has decided the classic allure of free pizza for the two hour period between ten and midnight–peak drinking time–is essential.

Repetition is key

“We’re not saying the bar can’t speak for itself, but we kind of just want to hedge our bets since people have been generally confused about when and if we’ve been open. The smell of pizza usually acts like the fake cookie smell real estate agents use to beckon their clients to buy. I guess that’s sort of our tactic too–except using real food,” stated tonight’s bartender, Marty Bumm, a 32-year-old from Ohio. The only problem is, free pizza leads to greater longevity throughout the night, and therefore even more opportunity to make bad decisions.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

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