Residents Immune to “Hipster Traps” Set in Bushwick Area

August 8, 2015 1 557 News

While some Midwestern types who are a little behind the “millennial” game might be susceptible to the “hipster traps” recently set in the Manhattan area (where real hipsters live because the borough is so out it’s in), others–a.k.a. seasoned Bushwickians–have turned their noses up at the supposedly alluring combination of Pabst Blue Ribbon, American Spirits and wayfarer sunglasses.

The "hipster trap"

The “hipster trap”

“I saw that shit on the corner of Bogart and Grattan, took my dick out and pissed on it,” balked Brandon Resistant, a 29-year-old who works as a marketing executive at Cunt Face. Needless to say, Resistant wasn’t the only one unimpressed by the smattering of accoutrements. “Yeah, maybe if it was 2011, back when people were first setting that shit I would’ve been intrigued, but the jig is up on that sort of paraphernalia,” explained Fuhleesha Coque, a 25-year-old who Airbnb’s her apartment for a living in “South Bushwick.”

The real way to trap a 2015 hipster

The real way to trap a 2015 hipster

“The truth is, if you want to trap a Bushwick hipster, you gotta lay out a lot of dough. Like, stacks on stacks. Apart from getting butt fucked, nothing else is going to make us bend over,” added Resistant. So for those poachers looking to claim the ultimate hipster trophy, it’s going to cost you.

Written by Genna Rivieccio


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