“Dad bod” is really the best physical shape one can hope to be in as they enter their thirties and cease harboring the illusion that they’re ever going to work out, especially with a busy eating and drinking schedule taking up the bulk of any free time.
Roberta’s latest named pizza, Dad Bod, has thus gotten many Bushwickians simultaneously excited and up in arms over the potential for what they had automatically assumed would infuse their body with the effortless look of a dad. “I thought that the second I took a bite out of this pizza, my body was going to change. It fucking didn’t. It just got fatter,” bemoaned local performance artist Stripper.
The toppings on the Dad Bod pizza consist of pastrami, parmesan, pickle juice and garlic, one of many telltale signs to any Bushwickian agreeing to put a slice in their mouth that this might lead to more of a late 50s mom bod than anything else. Alas, with Bushwickians’ strong desire to remain unemployed, all eaters of said pizza are banding together to file a class action suit against Roberta’s, which already has enough legal battles at the moment to last a century. In the meantime, Dad Bod has been taken off the menu.
Written by Genna Rivieccio