Roberta’s In Control of Bushwick?

April 25, 2014 3 2022 Food, J'Accuse, News, Politics
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We all know that, out of all the businesses in Bushwick, Roberta’s has the most clout. Granted, it has plenty of other bougie establishments to contend with like Momo and Northeast Kingdom. But no other restaurant seems to have branded itself so aggressively as the Bushwick destination.

The "unassuming" exterior of Roberta's

The “unassuming” exterior of Roberta’s

The Burning Bush probed a little deeper into one of our long held theories: Roberta’s determines everything that happens in this neighborhood. We don’t know how they do it, or even why, but all we know for certain is that this is happening–and their control is only growing stronger by the day.

What's really in the pizza that's controlling your mind?

What’s really in the pizza that’s controlling your mind?

Although a number of current and former employees were approached, only two would agree to give us even a small kernel (curse the lack of pizza puns!) of what goes on behind the scenes at the prestigious eatery. James Pizzaman (who asked that his last name be changed) noted ominously, “It started with t-shirts and sweatshirts. Then all of the sudden they’re making a cookbook. They gradually increase their influence on a national scale to keep an impenetrable foothold in Bushwick.”

Decode the cookbook and maybe, just maybe, you can decode the secret of Roberta's

Decode the cookbook and maybe, just maybe, you can decode the secret of Roberta’s

Another employee, who would only agree to be quoted if addressed as Pizza Pizza (way to show love for Little Caesar’s and stick it to the man at Roberta’s), revealed some slightly more disturbing information. “It’s what they put in the pizza. You think you know what’s in it, but you don’t. That’s how they control you, and make you keep coming back for more.” Pizza Pizza went on to say, “And those ‘behind the scenes’ videos of how they make the pizza are a complete ruse.”

Or, like Boar's Head with its meat, are they saying just the opposite?

Or, like Boar’s Head with its meat, are they saying just the opposite?

While The Burning Bush has yet to pinpoint whether it’s large scale marketing or pizza ingredients that has kept Roberta’s in control of the neighborhood for so long, we’ll keep you posted on new updates as they arise. Meanwhile, eat at your own risk.

Written by Genna Rivieccio, known consumer of Roberta’s pizza

 

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