Rooftop Farm, The Jump Off, Reeks of Failure

May 24, 2015 Comments Off on Rooftop Farm, The Jump Off, Reeks of Failure 437 News
Share!

Everyone’s favorite homage to Portland, The Jump Off, a formerly picturesque roof garden atop the McKibbin lofts, has met its mushy vegetable end. In spite of attracting a large clientele of interested community gardeners, The Jump Off’s management and cultivating skills have proven detrimental to the project.

The Jump Off in its prime

The Jump Off in its prime

Juniper Pithair, the organizer of the community space, lamented, “It’s been a hard year. Sure, we’ve had a lot of interested parties coming here to plant their seeds, till the garden. But it hasn’t been enough, I guess. We’ve had plenty of rain and sun, so I don’t know why this place is a wasteland.” Sadly, Pithair is being generous in her description of what the garden currently looks like: a veritable smorgasbord of rotting fruits and vegetables that can be smelled the second you get off the train.

Rotting fruit from The Jump Off

Rotting fruit from The Jump Off

One frequent attendee, Rawnda Canker, a 24-year-old hempseed grower from Upstate New York, stated, “At first, I thought The Jump Off was great, but it quickly devolved. It’s like everyone who comes here has a black thumb. Either that, or they’re just trying to grow weed in secret.” In fact, part of the reason why The Jump Off has failed so miserably to grow anything worthwhile is due to how many Californian Bushwickians have been uprooting the soil to pluck their clandestine marijuana crop from it. And so, thanks to the obscene indulgence of drug and junk food junkies, The Jump Off will officially be kaput next week.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

 

Comments are closed.