Rosa Gold Is Most Sought After Woman in Bushwick–Who Doesn’t Exist

April 3, 2017 Comments Off on Rosa Gold Is Most Sought After Woman in Bushwick–Who Doesn’t Exist 223 Bars, News

Precious Metal has been known for causing some confusion in the past, but now, it has taken on another layer of dumbfounding with customers (mostly male) hearing of an infamous Rosa Gold–a woman purported to taste sweeter than any other–only to arrive and find that she’s not really there.

What the boys thought Rosa Gold would look like

At least, not in the sense that one would expect. As it turns out, Rosa Gold is just a drink. In addition to current new menu favorites like Pussy Grabs Back and Alternative Facts, she’s taken the bar by storm. Alas, for men hoping to find an actual exotic dancer, or better yet, prostitute, meandering about, the disappointment level has reached an all-time high at Precious Metal.

Ros(a) Gold, where are you?

“I kept hearing about this wonderful, addictive Rosa Gold, and I thought, ‘My God, I’ve got to meet her–she must have a pineapple-flavored pussy or something.’ But no, fuckin’ turns out she’s a goddamn drink. I’m just gonna have to go to Illuminate Brooklyn now to find a substitute,” commented Orion Dismae, a 33-year-old who does accounting for local artists. Now you know though, Rosa Gold is not real. She can’t solve your problems.

Written by Genna Rivieccio


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