Precious Metal has been known for causing some confusion in the past, but now, it has taken on another layer of dumbfounding with customers (mostly male) hearing of an infamous Rosa Gold–a woman purported to taste sweeter than any other–only to arrive and find that she’s not really there.
At least, not in the sense that one would expect. As it turns out, Rosa Gold is just a drink. In addition to current new menu favorites like Pussy Grabs Back and Alternative Facts, she’s taken the bar by storm. Alas, for men hoping to find an actual exotic dancer, or better yet, prostitute, meandering about, the disappointment level has reached an all-time high at Precious Metal.
“I kept hearing about this wonderful, addictive Rosa Gold, and I thought, ‘My God, I’ve got to meet her–she must have a pineapple-flavored pussy or something.’ But no, fuckin’ turns out she’s a goddamn drink. I’m just gonna have to go to Illuminate Brooklyn now to find a substitute,” commented Orion Dismae, a 33-year-old who does accounting for local artists. Now you know though, Rosa Gold is not real. She can’t solve your problems.
Written by Genna Rivieccio