Shea Stadium Re-Opens Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2017 Comments Off on Shea Stadium Re-Opens Just in Time for Valentine’s Day 284 Music
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The brief closure of Shea Stadium that began on January 20th has mercifully, not turned out to be a repeat of Palisades’ “brief” closure in that it just simply shuttered its doors permanently. Instead, those lovers of music have been bequeathed with the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift (apart from a butthole mold): the reopening of Shea.

Back in business

“We felt that Valentine’s Day was the best time to come back,” stated the venue’s PR point person, Bobby Ballantino, a 23-year-old from Long Island (like so many). “People without a Valentine, you know, who also enjoy music–they need some sort of comfort. Then again, most people coming to this place are too young to feel too depressed about having no love in their life.”

Party on

To kick off the first performance, a reunion from the Dirty Whores will get the crowd going with such anti-Valentine’s Day hits as, “Bitch, You Massacred My Heart,” “Pay For My Love” and “No More Eating Out.” After that, it’s up in the air as to which surprise bands might take the stage. Knowing the Dirty Whores, however, the crowd will be engaged in a full orgy by the time they’re through.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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