Old people may have a bad rap for being curmudgeonly, but they certainly never get flak for how confrontational they can be. However, the fogies at the Ridgewood-Bushwick Senior Center (average retiree age being 46 years old) have proven that you don’t have to bust a hip to bust out a few punches. The brawl broke out earlier this morning at approximately 8 a.m. after one elderly woman, Eugenia Contentious, a 50-year-old originally from Ridgewood, accused Hermania Meek, a 49-year-old native of Bushwick, of being a “fuckin’ Bwick pussy.” This prompted Meek to throw a soft punch that resulted in Contentious breaking her knuckles.
Afterward, immediate factions formed divided into those from Ridgewood and those from Bushwick. The fieriness of the fight on the part of the Ridgewoodians was fueled largely by their ire for continuously being called “Quooklyn” by Bushwickians attempting to get people to pay more to live in remote, picturesque Ridgewood, right on its border. Ultimately, the scuffle was quelled by Nurse Ratchet (not to be confused with Nurse Ratched), who threatened to send them all to the bougier, less lax Ol Kuntz Rest Home on Bogart Street when it opens in November. This shut up the Ridgewoodians right quick–though of course they still felt the need to draw a dividing line between their side of the rec center and the Bushwickian side (which generally favors light-hearted games of bocce ball).
Written by Genna Rivieccio