As you may already know by now, Silent Barn caught fire late Saturday evening for reasons then unknown. Further research conducted by the FDNY has revealed, however, that the blaze came from a resident’s apartment. The resident in question, Monique CeChic, a 24-year-old who has spent most of her youth working on the “largest collage of all-time,” has explained the cause of the fire.
“I didn’t mean to open the bag of trapped Williamsburg wind I bought from my friend Grace Aspirant,” stated CeChic. Aspirant, a Georgian-turned-Bushwick socialite who rebottled the fart after being duped by eBay in the purchase and then re-sold it to her “friend” told The Burning Bush, “It’s my fault, I confess.”
“I put acetane, butane and some other shit in there. I don’t know, I was high at the time. I just wanted to make some extra money. My daddy really doesn’t give me enough. I never expected any of my friends to use hairspray while the bag was open,” finished Aspirant. Alas, Williamsburg manages to strike again in terms of setting Bushwick ablaze.
Written by Genna Rivieccio