Stoners Get Too Baked To Celebrate 4/20

April 20, 2015 Comments Off on Stoners Get Too Baked To Celebrate 4/20 795 Uncategorized

We paid a visit to the loft of Bushwick roommates, Brad Johnson and Milly Robins only to find the pair incapacitated on their couch watching Netflix just before 1 P.M. today after being tipped off by a friend of theirs, Janey Reef, that they were to attend an annual 4/20 “potluck.”

Brad Johnson ain't goin' anywhere anytime soon.

Brad Johnson ain’t goin’ anywhere anytime soon.

According to our source, Milly and Brad had initially volunteered to come early to assist Reef in cooking the colossal meal, stating their estimated time of arrival to be approximately 10 A.M. “Knowing Milly and Brad for as long as I have, I knew they would be running on stoner time. Still, once 12:30 rolled around and my calls and texts went ignored, I decided to send you guys [The Burning Bush] over to their place to do some investigating.”

Looks like Janey Reef will have to cook alone this year.

Looks like Janey Reef will have to cook alone this year.

To the dismay of poor Janey, it appears that her washout friends were simply blowing smoke and will likely remain immobile for at least another twelve hours. “Fifty people, as baked as they’ll be, in one place without enough food for too long will be utter mayhem. I just hope that Dean brings the green bean casserole like he said he would. My mental state couldn’t afford another let down today,” Janey expressed to us before taking a bong rip. This could feasibly be the most monumental stoner fail we’ve witnessed since the mishaps of Anna Faris in the 2007 movie ‘Smiley Face’ and can only be compared to the improbable scenario of the Virgin Mary getting too shitfaced to show up at baby Jesus’ B-Day bash. Don’t be the dick/loser who disappoints your friends this holiday and smoke responsibly, you fucking adults.

Written by Nicole Benson

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