Strawberry Moon Makes Everyone Go Batshit Crazy

June 21, 2016 Comments Off on Strawberry Moon Makes Everyone Go Batshit Crazy 373 News
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The so-called strawberry moon that has made an appearance on the summer solstice this year has apparently got everyone from pagans to religious hipsters up in arms–whether they can control it or not, thanks to the fact that the name stems from farmers dubbing it such due to it being a time “ripe for picking berries.”

A powerful sight--liable to drive one crazy

A powerful sight–liable to drive one crazy

As usual, euphemisms of this nature in Bushwick always tend to mean one thing: la vagine. As witchy Bushwick types took to rooftops throughout the neighborhood (though it was the longest day of the year and they had to stay up late on a Monday, it did not affect their lack of jobs the following morning), women were particularly susceptible to the profound effects of this rare lunar pattern.

No ordinary moon

No ordinary moon

“Suddenly I found myself taking off all my clothes and dancing to Lana Del Rey’s cover of that Nancy Sinatra song, ‘Summer Wine.’ It was like I couldn’t even control myself, I just had to do it because, I don’t know, the moon,” explained Teri Slore, a 26-year-old who works as a barista at Swallow. But others, especially blokes, were skeptical about this reasoning. “I think the strawberry moon–which, granted, hasn’t appeared since the Summer of Love–is just an excuse for girls to act a little more…um, liberal,” stated Jonathan Maladjoost, a 33-year-old who found himself unexpectedly participating in an orgy. And act liberally they did, with sexual noise reports up more than usual last night and a higher concentration of can and bottle refuse cluttering the streets.

Written by Genna Rivieccio

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