Considering the small percentage of Bushwickians that actually work in Midtown, it sort of makes sense that famed best blow job ever cafe, Swallow, would see the value in bringing city staple Hale and Hearty to the neighborhood.
“I was hesitant at first to agree with the manager’s insistence on serving these soups, but it’s really improved the tip rate. Maybe the more Midtown the menu, the more money you’re likely to attract,” stated lead barista Arthur Voyeur. Svetlana Opinmauth, who loves soup almost as much as she loves cum, noted, “I’ve been super obsessed with getting the chicken and sausage jambalaya.”
Maurice Noir, another regular soup eater who has a timeshare at New York Loft Hostel, gushed, “Some days, I’ll stand staring in front of the menu for about an hour before I decide on something.” He’s almost as into it as this guy. And so, with Hale and Hearty making its way effortlessly into the hearts of Bushwickians, Swallow is strongly considering serving Pret-A-Manger sandwiches as well.
Written by Genna Rivieccio