Well, let’s be honest: you’re not going to Syndicated if you’re a film aficionado. You’re going because it’s three fucking dollars (sometimes seven for a more current title) to see most of what they’re showing and you love the sweet taste of artisanal popcorn.
But for those naive enough to believe they’re going to be in store for a high quality 35mm experience, don’t bother shelling out at all, or you will be invariably disappointed by the compromised integrity of having to watch one of your favorite movies on a DVD. The only upside, of course, is that you might just get a complimentary movie ticket for your trouble.
“I’ve actually been going almost every week now–it guarantees that I’ll always get into the theater for free as they’re literally always doling out tickets in apology for the constant skipping,” commented Hugo Sinnafile, a 28-year-old who mainly only goes to Syndicated because it’s a way to stay out for a long period of time in order to avoid dealing with the sloth that is his roommate. In any case, while this trend in local scams might be helpful to interpersonal relationship avoidance, it’s definitely causing some marked business losses to the theater. Perhaps they ought to consider laserdiscs.
Written by Genna Rivieccio