Because Bushwick wouldn’t be Bushwick without myriad lofts to choose from when you’ve finally fucked everybody in one building and need to move to another, it tends to be the case that each of these residences has a certain reputation for “specialties.” The recent come-up in prominence of the Tea Factory Lofts has launched a The Burning Bush Inquisition into what one of the most popular girls in real estate has been offering its tenants and their visitors.
The answer, we quickly found was tea bagging. Take one step into a loft and the ripe smell of balls and stale semen will hit your nostrils with the potency of a MacBeth witch’s brew. And this was only our first indication of the esteem with which tea bagging is held in this particular set of living quarters. Other clues included walking in on a tenant named Richard Balzac dangling his scrotum over three Bushwick sluts like a mama bird feeding her babies.
Other residents of the building, however, are not so in the know about the sexual scene they’re inhabiting. Susan Sunshine from Lincoln, Nebraska was baffled when The Burning Bush asked her what she thought of the prevalence of tea bagging in the Tea Factory Lofts. She responded, “I don’t know. I guess it means we should have a communal tea party.” It was a classic Charlotte York/Samantha Jones miscommunication.
Written by Genna Rivieccio