If you know someone who’s employed, they probably don’t live in Bushwick. Because it is every Bushwickian’s mission to remain as loosely employed as possible, the closest he or she usually comes to “working” is as an “artist” or in the service industry (which is just as non-committal a profession as they can find). It’s important not to stay attached to any one job, as that could mean actually remaining dedicated to something that isn’t drinking and drugging.
The Burning Bush spoke to Cameron Loose, a 33-year-old who has managed to stay out of work for five years after getting laid off from the only ad agency in the neighborhood. Loose stated, “Why should I bust my balls for someone when I could be catching up on all the TV I’ve been missing?–that’s a full-time job as far as I’m concerned.” Other unemployment veterans expressed similar sentiments, in addition to noting that all the best food specials in the area take place on the weekdays. For instance, an offending Indian restaurant only serves $9.99 lunch specials until 4 p.m.
Fendenetta Vedge, another in the army of the Bushwick unemployed, revealed some of her secrets on how to stay that way. “Never have one ‘job’ that takes up all of your time. Have a few side projects that pay under the table while you bleed the government dry of the checks they owe you. It’s your God-given right as a Bushwickian to be able to enjoy the fruits of no labor.” For those few poor saps in Bushwick who do work, don’t worry, everyone gets their place in the sun eventually. Unless, of course, there’s a permanent unemployment eclipse.
Written by Genna Rivieccio